We made it back to Chiang Rai this morning by pick-up truck. Our three nights in an Akha village were eventful and informative. The night we arrived we took another evening jungle walk (you'd think we'd have learned a lesson about this) and on our way back to the village in semi darkness stumbled upon a man. He pointed in the direction of a bamboo hut on the hill and said the words "whiskey", "die" and "come" then made a motion as if to slit his own throat. We interpreted this as "Come drink whiskey or I will slit your throat", or "Come drink until you die at my place". We thought it was best to check things out.
Within minutes we found ourselves seated in a circle of drunk Akha people laughing and eating several delicious looking dishes. They welcomed us, filled our glasses to the brim with whiskey (and kept filling..and filling) and brought us plates of food. We tasted it all before asking what it was. Probably a smart move. Most of it was pork with pieces of bone and fat that had been boiled or fried. The one dish I had a hard time stomaching was the raw pork in a blood broth. I ate some..but didn't go back for more. It was all very tasty. With a little investigative work we discovered that we had actually been invited to a wedding by the man on the street. His slitting throat motion had been to tell us that a pig had been slaughtered for the occasion.
During the festivities I looked over to find Nathan in a total panic. He was whacking his own leg frantically. When his fit stopped a gigantic spider..tarantula..popped out of the leg of his shorts..dead. In the frenzy he had scared the poor guy into taking a bite out of his thigh. Its a popular myth that a tarantula bite is dangerous..its like a bee sting. Though I did NOT mention this directly following the incident. I let it play out to see how it would unfold. Nathan held up the carcass in the fire light and asked a Thai man sitting across from us if it was dangerous. "Ahh..yes! Throw it into the bushes!" At this point I had to laugh..Nathan followed with "It BIT me!" The man didn't seem too concerned, just empathetic. He mimed pain with gritted teeth, then shrugged his shoulders and went back to drinking his whiskey.
We did a lot of walking in the jungle to different Akha and Lahu villages. Over the course of our month in Thailand there have been several incidents where Nathan is berated by a Thai person for making me carry our backpack. I have put aside my personal feelings about equally dividing the burden of carrying a bag to protect Nathan's image. I selflessly let him do it all the time. On one particular hike he was very grateful for this. We passed about ten military men carrying AK-47s in the jungle. Nathan was hiking about a hundred feet in front of me and met them first. Had I been schlepping the backpack behind him he might have been shot.
Over the last twenty years the King of Thailand has done a lot of work with different hill tribes to try and eliminate the growth, sale and use of opium. Many of the villages used to grow opium as a means of survival and were crippled by their own use of the drug. On our last trek we were told that it was rarely grown anymore. This trek was a little closer to..in fact, IN the golden triangle. I was bargaining for a traditional Akha pipe for my younger brother and was shocked when the woman selling it told me that for an extra 20 Baht she'd throw in a little opium. Not exactly the kind of transaction I was looking for.
Next stop Laos! We are headed for the border this afternoon.
For travelers:
We stayed at the Akha River House in Chiang Rai. This is a guesthouse owned and run completely by the Akha hill tribe. They run a truck from the River House to the Hill House every evening around 4:30. The accommodation is not top of the line in either location, and if you have a fear of spiders you should prepare yourself..for 250 Baht you can get a private room in either spot. The scenery and hiking make up for the mediocre food and deteriorating structures.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
One Step At A Time
In Thailand there doesn't seem to be a standard step height, or location. You can be walking down the street and all of the sudden the ground drops or rises two-thirty six inches for no apparent reason. This is dangerous. I can't count the number of times Nathan and I have either stubbed toes or twisted ankles. The step location problem is almost as irritating as the distance between steps being random. I was running to the upstairs bathroom (I'll get to the reason shortly)..in our guest house yesterday to discover that the third and seventh steps in the staircase were approximately four inches taller than all of the others. The fifth step was four inches shorter. The result: I tripped on the third step because my flip flop caught the edge, smashed my knee on the miniature fifth step, recovered..cursing..and did the exact same thing on the seventh step. Two bruises and a stubbed toe. Watch your step.
I didn't write about this little incident in Burma earlier because I was unsure of what really happened until 26-29 hours later. Now I'm sure.
We were walking in the maze of vendor stalls listening to people calling for our attention to buy this or that. It was mid day and I was starting to get hungry. Instead of waiting for Nathan to also feel hungry I took matters into my own hands. I found a woman selling these delicious looking pink dried fruits. They were something I had never seen, looked a bit like flattened breast implants to be quite honest..with the texture of a perfectly dried apricot. I know..that may not sound great..but they looked delectable. I tried negotiating the price of one of them and was shot down immediately. Full price. 5 Baht (17 cents?). The woman looked like she was going to take the fruit I just bought and cut it into tiny pieces, so I stopped her. Miming that I was going to eat it right then. I should have known something was up by the sly smile and head shaking. I ate it..as we walked and chatted about how strange things in Burma were. I got a lot of looks..glances at this fruit, then back at me.
Turns out, this was most likely a local remedy for constipation. Lesson learned.
I may have taken a bit more than the recommended dose.
I didn't write about this little incident in Burma earlier because I was unsure of what really happened until 26-29 hours later. Now I'm sure.
We were walking in the maze of vendor stalls listening to people calling for our attention to buy this or that. It was mid day and I was starting to get hungry. Instead of waiting for Nathan to also feel hungry I took matters into my own hands. I found a woman selling these delicious looking pink dried fruits. They were something I had never seen, looked a bit like flattened breast implants to be quite honest..with the texture of a perfectly dried apricot. I know..that may not sound great..but they looked delectable. I tried negotiating the price of one of them and was shot down immediately. Full price. 5 Baht (17 cents?). The woman looked like she was going to take the fruit I just bought and cut it into tiny pieces, so I stopped her. Miming that I was going to eat it right then. I should have known something was up by the sly smile and head shaking. I ate it..as we walked and chatted about how strange things in Burma were. I got a lot of looks..glances at this fruit, then back at me.
Turns out, this was most likely a local remedy for constipation. Lesson learned.
I may have taken a bit more than the recommended dose.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Myanmar for a day
Our run to The Union Of Myanmar was almost seamless. Nathan thought he had a pretty good gig going when I somehow distracted the immigration officer long enough for him to stamp Nathan into the country without paying his entry fee. I extracted a promise from him to treat me to a nice dinner for having saved him fifteen dollars. We walked down crowded alleys where among other things vendors were selling cheap cigarettes and Viagra. You could immediately tell that the standard of living in Burma is much lower than Thailand. Lots of children begging. We struck up a conversation with a man who escaped Burma on a smuggling boat in 93 to NYC. He and the 300 other escapees were busted about 15 minutes after reaching port. He sheepishly admitted that his first 6 months in the US were in jail, where he incidentally became very good at chess. After our pineapple milkshakes were finished we took ourselves back to the border. It turned out that our little 'distract the immigration officer' bit had a downside. When we got to the Thai officer he took one look at Nathan's passport and said "no good." he grabbed mine and said it was fine. Apparently in addition to forgetting to collect Nathan's entry fee, the immigration officer also stamped his passport twice, indicating that Nathan had entered Myanmar twice in a single day without legally departing. We got it sorted out and I got a green curry dinner date. We met some Brits who know someone looking for English teachers in Chiang Rai so tomorrow we're going to rent some bikes and stick close to the City so that we can go to a British quiz night at a local bar to schmooze.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sometimes you get a strong one...
The 'Chang' is Thailand's cheap beer. It's everywhere, and a liter bottle will run you about a dollar fifty. The neat thing about ordering a Chang is that you can never predict its alcohol content. if the bottle doesn't fill properly somewhere along the production line they top it off with whiskey. I've been the victim of over confidence a couple of times but thankfully have another healthy liver on the trip. We're in Chiang Rai tonight, trying to figure out how to get to Burma tomorrow. I'm having trouble concentrating though...a vendor selling meat on a stick around the corner has my attention..and we haven't eaten for 8 hours. Nathan forgets to eat. I'm a handy reminder for him. When Jenny starts growling it's 30 minutes to meltdown. last night while my stomach tied itself in knots with hunger Nathan spent 20 minutes trying to perfect his Thai-old man moaning noise. Eventually I conceded that he'd gotten it perfectly so he would focus on the menu. To his credit, the old man Thai noises are tricky. I may have deserved it too... Considering I practice my 'Kaaaaah' on him regularly.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Surprise Supper
When I was a kid my favorite dinner was 'surprise supper'. A concept my mother loved because it meant I'd be taking care of feeding myself. Anything I wanted on my plate for the meal..I could have. My mother probably wouldn't have been so willing to let me do this if I had chosen junk food, but I loved vegetables, fruits and cheeses. Nathan and I did a surprise supper on our last night in Pai, sampling all of the street food we could manage.
Most noteworthy: we tried a black rice tortilla grilled over an open flame, then covered in sesame seeds and sweetened condensed milk, served in a banana leaf. Incredible!
Secondly, a banana leaf omelet. I was so impressed with Nathan when he ordered one..and then realized he had no idea what he was getting himself into. The topper for these egg dishes were grubs. Little white worms that explode when you bite into them. To his credit...he ate more of it than me. We both agreed that feeling a grub pop between your teeth isn't something we need to try again.
We both ordered some banana chocolate pancakes to chase away the grub goo.
I'm loving the Thai food.
Most noteworthy: we tried a black rice tortilla grilled over an open flame, then covered in sesame seeds and sweetened condensed milk, served in a banana leaf. Incredible!
Secondly, a banana leaf omelet. I was so impressed with Nathan when he ordered one..and then realized he had no idea what he was getting himself into. The topper for these egg dishes were grubs. Little white worms that explode when you bite into them. To his credit...he ate more of it than me. We both agreed that feeling a grub pop between your teeth isn't something we need to try again.
We both ordered some banana chocolate pancakes to chase away the grub goo.
I'm loving the Thai food.
Pai and Back...Almost Cake
We are safe and sound back in Chiang Mai from our five day adventure in the Pai-Soppong region! Not without a minor incident. I'll get to that..
Our first night we drove our motorcycles around a national park enjoying some beautiful scenery. That evening left us in the middle of nowhere, so we stopped our bikes to ask for directions to a place we could lay our heads. I mimed this to a woman who got a huge kick out of the whole production. She made some phone calls and refused to let us go without drinking some mystery tea and waiting for some guy to show up. He apparently knew something we needed to know. Turned out that this man (who showed up on a moped) was the local help for an amazing cabin resort on the top of a mountain. We followed him up a gravel path that had me down shifting like crazy..then stalling out. I swear it was a 75 degree slope. At the top he showed us an AMAZING cabin made from teak and bamboo, on stilts, overlooking a jungle valley. Not a single other person was staying at this place, and we struck a hard bargain..10 dollars a night, with delivery of two beers. Before drinking our beers we took a little 'jungle walk'. It was getting dark, and as I was very intently studying a bug on the ground, Nathan grabbed me and pointed to a spot about 100 yards away in the jungle where it appeared that a tiger was crashing through banana trees directly for us. So loud, and so fast..Nathan calmly said "I think we might want to be more concerned about whatever THAT is." We double timed it back to the cabin, where we did battle with a bumble bee the size of my fist for about thirty minutes before being able to relax on the porch. The bee had some kind of power tool extension on its stinger because when we tried hiding inside the cabin with the porch light off in hopes that it would fly away..it instead started drilling through our bamboo walls. It wasn't the Buddhist thing to do, but we managed to squeeze the life out of it eventually.
Day two of our trip was rainy. I took my motorcycle safety class recently enough to know that it was going to be slick on the roads, and this had me nervous because the road between Mae Rim and Pai supposedly has 762 curves. Its incredibly fun to ride on..but when wet, very dangerous.
Nathan was riding in front of me when he heard the sound of metal digging violently into pavement. My back tire hit a raised spot in the road just as I was taking a corner and slid out from under me at about 15-20 miles an hour. The absolute best outcome when having a motorcycle accident on a slippery, cliff-side, blind corner road was what resulted. I was able to hold on to the bike enough to correct away from the edge of the mountain. It slid about 15 feet on me, then under me into the middle of the road. I quickly got myself up and moved the bike onto the shoulder. I realized the bag of strawberries I'd been carrying in the little front basket had flown out during the crash and strawberries were all over the road. When Nathan arrived on the scene after quickly turning around and riding back, I was picking strawberries off the ground and laughing in shock. "Did you SEE that? Ha..wow" is what I believe I said. Nathan's eyes were huge and he probably thought I was insane because I was acting like things were perfectly normal..like I'd accidentally dropped some strawberries and stopped to pick them up. The 15 foot scrape in the pavement gave me away...as did the burn marks on my pants and jacket. I lost a little skin, and have some bruises..but other than that I am fit as a fiddle. We rode our bikes another 60 km that day and arrived in Pai.
Pai is cheap, beautiful, and filled with people who can't bring themselves to leave Thailand. I would highly recommend it to everyone I know. We took a day trip to explore some caves and visited a few hot springs. My favorite hot spring was one where they sold you 4 eggs for 25 Baht (almost a dollar) and you put them on a bamboo stick to soak them in the hot spring for 20 minutes for a snack.
For those who might like to visit Pai..we stayed in the Mountain View Backpackers bungalow..200 Baht a night for a cabin, 100 for a tent. Best price in Pai, though you need a bike to get into the mountains. No reservations taken and you stay as long as you want.
Our first night we drove our motorcycles around a national park enjoying some beautiful scenery. That evening left us in the middle of nowhere, so we stopped our bikes to ask for directions to a place we could lay our heads. I mimed this to a woman who got a huge kick out of the whole production. She made some phone calls and refused to let us go without drinking some mystery tea and waiting for some guy to show up. He apparently knew something we needed to know. Turned out that this man (who showed up on a moped) was the local help for an amazing cabin resort on the top of a mountain. We followed him up a gravel path that had me down shifting like crazy..then stalling out. I swear it was a 75 degree slope. At the top he showed us an AMAZING cabin made from teak and bamboo, on stilts, overlooking a jungle valley. Not a single other person was staying at this place, and we struck a hard bargain..10 dollars a night, with delivery of two beers. Before drinking our beers we took a little 'jungle walk'. It was getting dark, and as I was very intently studying a bug on the ground, Nathan grabbed me and pointed to a spot about 100 yards away in the jungle where it appeared that a tiger was crashing through banana trees directly for us. So loud, and so fast..Nathan calmly said "I think we might want to be more concerned about whatever THAT is." We double timed it back to the cabin, where we did battle with a bumble bee the size of my fist for about thirty minutes before being able to relax on the porch. The bee had some kind of power tool extension on its stinger because when we tried hiding inside the cabin with the porch light off in hopes that it would fly away..it instead started drilling through our bamboo walls. It wasn't the Buddhist thing to do, but we managed to squeeze the life out of it eventually.
Day two of our trip was rainy. I took my motorcycle safety class recently enough to know that it was going to be slick on the roads, and this had me nervous because the road between Mae Rim and Pai supposedly has 762 curves. Its incredibly fun to ride on..but when wet, very dangerous.
Nathan was riding in front of me when he heard the sound of metal digging violently into pavement. My back tire hit a raised spot in the road just as I was taking a corner and slid out from under me at about 15-20 miles an hour. The absolute best outcome when having a motorcycle accident on a slippery, cliff-side, blind corner road was what resulted. I was able to hold on to the bike enough to correct away from the edge of the mountain. It slid about 15 feet on me, then under me into the middle of the road. I quickly got myself up and moved the bike onto the shoulder. I realized the bag of strawberries I'd been carrying in the little front basket had flown out during the crash and strawberries were all over the road. When Nathan arrived on the scene after quickly turning around and riding back, I was picking strawberries off the ground and laughing in shock. "Did you SEE that? Ha..wow" is what I believe I said. Nathan's eyes were huge and he probably thought I was insane because I was acting like things were perfectly normal..like I'd accidentally dropped some strawberries and stopped to pick them up. The 15 foot scrape in the pavement gave me away...as did the burn marks on my pants and jacket. I lost a little skin, and have some bruises..but other than that I am fit as a fiddle. We rode our bikes another 60 km that day and arrived in Pai.
Pai is cheap, beautiful, and filled with people who can't bring themselves to leave Thailand. I would highly recommend it to everyone I know. We took a day trip to explore some caves and visited a few hot springs. My favorite hot spring was one where they sold you 4 eggs for 25 Baht (almost a dollar) and you put them on a bamboo stick to soak them in the hot spring for 20 minutes for a snack.
For those who might like to visit Pai..we stayed in the Mountain View Backpackers bungalow..200 Baht a night for a cabin, 100 for a tent. Best price in Pai, though you need a bike to get into the mountains. No reservations taken and you stay as long as you want.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Jungle Trek
Just in case someone might be interested in having a Jungle Trekking adventure in the Chiang Mai area...We went through the tour company : Buddy Tours
Our guide was a man named Gun, and his assistant was Leon. They were incredible people and very knowledgeable about the jungle. I would highly recommend them. They are based out of a hostel called Family Trekking Guesthouse in the Old City area of Chiang Mai
Our guide was a man named Gun, and his assistant was Leon. They were incredible people and very knowledgeable about the jungle. I would highly recommend them. They are based out of a hostel called Family Trekking Guesthouse in the Old City area of Chiang Mai
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| This was a nice afternoon walk into the Doi Suthep National Park just outside of Chiang Mai. |
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| Another Doi Suthep spot |
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| I'm still looking for the perfect maggot to eat. These looked a little too well done. |
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| Our first waterfall stop on the Jungle Trek |
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| Mountain overlook Buddha |
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| The secret prayer basement of a 30 foot Buddha on the side of a mountain |
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| Spying on some Monks |
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| The waterfalls on this trek were beautiful..and plentiful |
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| Our tour guide Gun taking a shower |
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| A little girl from the Karen village we visited. Her white dress indicates she's still on the market. |
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| This woman was delighted to have tourists to buy her scarves |
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| Little did she know, I would have been more likely to buy her pipe |
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| Weaving the scarves |
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| Catching larvae and tadpoles for dinner |
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| A little hillside construction |
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| These bamboo logs were less than a year old when they were cut down |
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| Soon after this picture was taken, our guide jumped off to scare away a dog. Our elephant was afraid of dogs. |
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| The site of our campsite on the second night of trekking |
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| Rice paddies being flooded by intricate canal systems |
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| Papaya trees in the early morning |
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| When I say "The worst spanking of my life" I mean it. I discovered that my posterior has turned a lovely shade of purple since this jump. |
Island Number Three: Phuket
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| Nathan playing a Thai version of Jenga with our bar tendress in Phuket |
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| Phi Phi Island |
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| A 'somewhat' crowded beach. It got worse. Apparently this particular beach was featured in a movie called 'The Beach' |
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| Notice the monkey in the back. Monkeys hate it when they run out of soft drink. |
Island Number Two: Koh Samui
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| Our first evening on the beach at Koh Samui |
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| This looks pretty safe. Nathan has only been clothes-lined once by power lines. Low risk. |
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| The dock in Koh Samui where our ferry departed for the mainland. |
Island Number One: Koh Phangan
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| This was the view from the top of our first stop on a tour of the Marine National Park off the Coast of Eastern Thailand. |
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| Moments after this shot was taken it started to pour. We had some fun swinging like monkeys on vines during the hike down. Minus a stick directly into my ear it was a great time. |
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| Lets just say some of the people on our tour were less than thrilled with the construction of this staircase to the Emerald Lagoon. The trek there was more impressive than the water. |
A Few More Bangkok Pictures
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| The Chinatown of Bangkok. We had a picture with a moped driving down the center of this alley, but this does a pretty good job of showing how crazy it was too. |
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| Some tastey street food. Don't ask me what half of it was.. |
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| This was our experience getting eaten by hungry fish. I'd do it again but I don't think Nathan is on board. |
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| On our last day in Bangkok we made it to the Grand Palace. The pictures don't do it justice. The next several pictures are from inside the Grand Palace gates. |
Monday, February 14, 2011
Prison Massage
We worked all the kinks out of our muscles from the jungle trek at the Chiang Mai Correctional Facility!
Nathan's brilliant idea to get massages from prisoners in training could not have turned out better..for me. He's a little worse for the wear. The final move to a true Thai massage involves you linking your fingers behind your head (like a prisoner..got to appreciate the irony) and being rolled onto a tiny woman's knees as she grinds her bones into your spine. I heard most of my bones crack at this point, but I regularly pop and snap my joints so it felt pretty good. I may have known this was coming, and may have neglected to tell Nathan about it. He was unprepared for the woman who probably weighed half of what he did to flip him over and nearly break him in half. I heard his talented masseuse giggling as he groaned in pain and surprise. She had some aggression to work through.
You can't beat a six dollar an hour massage. You just can't.
We're trying to fit in a Monk chat. Its where you sit across from a Monk and ask them questions about their life. I've got a mental list, but might have to hand it off to Nathan because I'm not sure if a woman can take part. The rules about Monks having contact with women are fairly strict.
Nathan's brilliant idea to get massages from prisoners in training could not have turned out better..for me. He's a little worse for the wear. The final move to a true Thai massage involves you linking your fingers behind your head (like a prisoner..got to appreciate the irony) and being rolled onto a tiny woman's knees as she grinds her bones into your spine. I heard most of my bones crack at this point, but I regularly pop and snap my joints so it felt pretty good. I may have known this was coming, and may have neglected to tell Nathan about it. He was unprepared for the woman who probably weighed half of what he did to flip him over and nearly break him in half. I heard his talented masseuse giggling as he groaned in pain and surprise. She had some aggression to work through.
You can't beat a six dollar an hour massage. You just can't.
We're trying to fit in a Monk chat. Its where you sit across from a Monk and ask them questions about their life. I've got a mental list, but might have to hand it off to Nathan because I'm not sure if a woman can take part. The rules about Monks having contact with women are fairly strict.
A little game called 'Think Fast'
Apparently boys play this game in the USA..Nathan explained that it involves throwing things at each other and saying 'think fast' at the last minute to see if someone has the ability to respond to a threat. He modified the game slightly on our three day jungle trek. His new 'think fast' game worked best for him when he was hiking in front of me so that he could poke his bamboo hiking stick into tarantula holes and scorpion dens to aggravate them for the next hiker (me). Its the dry season so I didn't need to do any fast thinking to stay alive.
We had an amazing trip. I learned a lot from our guides about Thai culture..and had some very strange 'trek helpers'. One of them had a Smeigal impersonation that would have earned an academy award. It got scary after I taught him how to say 'my precious'. He was also a strong believer that drinking cobra blood and whiskey at a 50/50 ratio could make you invincible. Invincibility seemed like a pre-requisite to spending time with him. Nathan made up for his spider taunting by saving my life on the second night of the trek when Smeigal told us all he could thrown knives. Just after Nathan pushed me out of the way, a knife came flying through the dark and bounced off of its intended target to hit the spot that would have been my rib cage.
All in good fun.
A couple of throws narrowly missed Nathan as well, so we called it an early night.
The trek involved a couple hours of hiking each day, lots of waterfalls, elephant riding, bamboo rafting and a lot of goofing around. We got to try a jungle favorite, red ants. And yes, I mean eat. I kid you not..they taste like sweet tarts. You have to be quick about crunching them to death though..they bite back. On our third day we hit the best waterfall, a 30-35 ft cliff over a deep pool. I needed some coaxing but made the jump in a complete panic. Apparently it was obvious to onlookers that my panic button was activated about ten feet down at which point I began a slow backwards rotation. It resulted in me landing in a severely uncomfortable sitting position. The worst spanking of my life.
Some other highlights:
- Nathan accidentally cuddling with a Japanese boy named Leo. (He says it was an easy mistake because Leo had smooth skin and a small frame) He will never live this down.
- A rat stealing my fruit in the middle of the night, transporting it to five inches from my face while I slept, and then pooping all over my pillow..while my head was still on it.
- Excusing myself to 'use the bathroom' while the tour group ate dinner...only to realize we were about to hike down the very trail I'd used as my squatting ground. Rookie mistake.
We had an amazing trip. I learned a lot from our guides about Thai culture..and had some very strange 'trek helpers'. One of them had a Smeigal impersonation that would have earned an academy award. It got scary after I taught him how to say 'my precious'. He was also a strong believer that drinking cobra blood and whiskey at a 50/50 ratio could make you invincible. Invincibility seemed like a pre-requisite to spending time with him. Nathan made up for his spider taunting by saving my life on the second night of the trek when Smeigal told us all he could thrown knives. Just after Nathan pushed me out of the way, a knife came flying through the dark and bounced off of its intended target to hit the spot that would have been my rib cage.
All in good fun.
A couple of throws narrowly missed Nathan as well, so we called it an early night.
The trek involved a couple hours of hiking each day, lots of waterfalls, elephant riding, bamboo rafting and a lot of goofing around. We got to try a jungle favorite, red ants. And yes, I mean eat. I kid you not..they taste like sweet tarts. You have to be quick about crunching them to death though..they bite back. On our third day we hit the best waterfall, a 30-35 ft cliff over a deep pool. I needed some coaxing but made the jump in a complete panic. Apparently it was obvious to onlookers that my panic button was activated about ten feet down at which point I began a slow backwards rotation. It resulted in me landing in a severely uncomfortable sitting position. The worst spanking of my life.
Some other highlights:
- Nathan accidentally cuddling with a Japanese boy named Leo. (He says it was an easy mistake because Leo had smooth skin and a small frame) He will never live this down.
- A rat stealing my fruit in the middle of the night, transporting it to five inches from my face while I slept, and then pooping all over my pillow..while my head was still on it.
- Excusing myself to 'use the bathroom' while the tour group ate dinner...only to realize we were about to hike down the very trail I'd used as my squatting ground. Rookie mistake.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monkeys hate it when...
Let me preface this list with:
I recently owned a motorcycle and was lucky to get the visor up on my helmet to scratch my nose while the bike was in motion. I couldn't hack the Thai roadways.
On a moped/motorcycle in Thailand you can:
Drink hot coffee
transport your family of five in one trip
talk on your cell phone
smoke
drink a beer
change a diaper (yes..I saw this)
and today..to top off the list...Yo-Yo. You can Yo-Yo to your heart's content.
Over the last few days I've been trying to cultivate what I believe to be a healthy fear of monkey violence in Nathan. I'm not sure where this deeply rooted notion of terrible monkey acts started..maybe too many episodes of Chimp Eden, or the second-hand stories of attacks that were passed through my Senegalese villagers. Over dinner three nights ago I started with "Nathan, did you know that monkeys hate it when you wave bananas at them?" He chuckled...I had my work cut out for me.
Walking on the beach, "Nathan, monkeys really hate being caught off guard" No chuckle, just a slightly raised eyebrow.
In the market bargaining for a pair of shorts, "Nathan, monkey moms are incredibly protective of their young, and could kill you before you blinked."
All of this brain washing paid off. We survived a visit at Monkey Beach on Phi Phi Island today. It was insane..people made all the major mistakes. Waving bananas, taunting mothers, touching! I sat in the back of the transport van on the way home with two people speaking a language I couldn't recognize. I decided not to be a buzz kill, but what I really wanted to tell them as they relived their exciting monkey video which featured the man handing a monkey a bottle of coke, was "Hey, maybe next time you should be more careful. Monkeys hate it when you take videos of them. And did you know that monkey could have ripped your face off in about 1.5 seconds?"
For now, we're safe. Tomorrow we fly to Chiang Mai where we will prepare for a three day jungle trek with elephant riding. I don't have the same completely rational fear of elephants.
I recently owned a motorcycle and was lucky to get the visor up on my helmet to scratch my nose while the bike was in motion. I couldn't hack the Thai roadways.
On a moped/motorcycle in Thailand you can:
Drink hot coffee
transport your family of five in one trip
talk on your cell phone
smoke
drink a beer
change a diaper (yes..I saw this)
and today..to top off the list...Yo-Yo. You can Yo-Yo to your heart's content.
Over the last few days I've been trying to cultivate what I believe to be a healthy fear of monkey violence in Nathan. I'm not sure where this deeply rooted notion of terrible monkey acts started..maybe too many episodes of Chimp Eden, or the second-hand stories of attacks that were passed through my Senegalese villagers. Over dinner three nights ago I started with "Nathan, did you know that monkeys hate it when you wave bananas at them?" He chuckled...I had my work cut out for me.
Walking on the beach, "Nathan, monkeys really hate being caught off guard" No chuckle, just a slightly raised eyebrow.
In the market bargaining for a pair of shorts, "Nathan, monkey moms are incredibly protective of their young, and could kill you before you blinked."
All of this brain washing paid off. We survived a visit at Monkey Beach on Phi Phi Island today. It was insane..people made all the major mistakes. Waving bananas, taunting mothers, touching! I sat in the back of the transport van on the way home with two people speaking a language I couldn't recognize. I decided not to be a buzz kill, but what I really wanted to tell them as they relived their exciting monkey video which featured the man handing a monkey a bottle of coke, was "Hey, maybe next time you should be more careful. Monkeys hate it when you take videos of them. And did you know that monkey could have ripped your face off in about 1.5 seconds?"
For now, we're safe. Tomorrow we fly to Chiang Mai where we will prepare for a three day jungle trek with elephant riding. I don't have the same completely rational fear of elephants.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Good vs. Bad
Sushi = Bad idea.
No matter how good those little plates of uncooked meat may look...as they pass you on a conveyer belt. Just say no. No. No. No.
No matter how good those little plates of uncooked meat may look...as they pass you on a conveyer belt. Just say no. No. No. No.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
We're Canadian
Yesterday was spent on the road. 13 hours of travel. We woke to pounding and irritated jabbering at the door. I stumbled to it and peeked out, squinting into the blazing sun...a bus full of people was watching me. The man at the door screamed that the van was waiting! Apparently neither of us bothered to look at our pick-up time for the transfer to the other coast..and it was twenty minutes past due. I have never packed so quickly in my entire life..hair sticking straight up, eyes half closed, terrible morning breath, and a shirt on backwards we made it out the door in about four minutes. I don't even know what Nathan was doing while I was throwing things, unplugging electronics and cursing our stupidity. I went from deep sleep to a crowded van full of Nigerians in less than 5. I was tempted to tell them all we were Canadian when they asked to protect our National image. They'd been waiting in a hot van for twenty minutes. Frazzled, confused, hoping not to have forgotten anything important I looked over at Nathan. It was like he just finished a satisfying cup of tea and twenty minute meditation session. Calm, slight grin on his face. "What, you're not used to this kind of morning?" He says..."I wake up like this almost every morning for work."
Van to bus to ferry. Two hours on the ferry and as we're unloading to the dock for another bus Nathan is several steps ahead of me. He sees a man painting the dock, bright green...right where I'm about to walk. I step in the paint. Flash the man painting my best internationally recognized eyebrow raised-straight lip-I'm not impressed-expression as if to ask "Really? Painting the dock right where people are disembarking?"
I look up at Nathan to see if he'd stepped in the same paint. His two feet are straddling the length of the paint strip and he dead pans "Wet paint."
God only knows why I find him so charming.
Bus took us about five hours, and just when we thought we were in the clear...we nail a truck carrying 15 people in the back as they try to cut off the bus. Traffic stopped, our bus sat in the middle lane with a truck T-boned at the front waiting for the police. After about twenty minutes we got a special offer to take the bus driver's side business transport van to our hotel. They tossed our luggage to the top, tied it down moderately well and we were off.
We made it...Today in Phuket walking around, getting sun burned, waiting for our appetites to kick in so we can get some all you can eat sushi for ten dollars down town. I think we'll be heading to Phi Phi Island tomorrow for some exploring.
Still trying to find a way to upload more pictures...we'll get it eventually
Van to bus to ferry. Two hours on the ferry and as we're unloading to the dock for another bus Nathan is several steps ahead of me. He sees a man painting the dock, bright green...right where I'm about to walk. I step in the paint. Flash the man painting my best internationally recognized eyebrow raised-straight lip-I'm not impressed-expression as if to ask "Really? Painting the dock right where people are disembarking?"
I look up at Nathan to see if he'd stepped in the same paint. His two feet are straddling the length of the paint strip and he dead pans "Wet paint."
God only knows why I find him so charming.
Bus took us about five hours, and just when we thought we were in the clear...we nail a truck carrying 15 people in the back as they try to cut off the bus. Traffic stopped, our bus sat in the middle lane with a truck T-boned at the front waiting for the police. After about twenty minutes we got a special offer to take the bus driver's side business transport van to our hotel. They tossed our luggage to the top, tied it down moderately well and we were off.
We made it...Today in Phuket walking around, getting sun burned, waiting for our appetites to kick in so we can get some all you can eat sushi for ten dollars down town. I think we'll be heading to Phi Phi Island tomorrow for some exploring.
Still trying to find a way to upload more pictures...we'll get it eventually
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Lady Boy Bonanza
Lady Boy sighted.
They grope. They steal your wallets. They are prettier than me. They have beautiful skin. Enough said.
Another day in Koh Samui..beach walking, swimming, eating amazing Thai dishes. We've determined all roads are actually one way roads, in both directions. Our driver from the pier to the hotel was either trying to get to his next life or trying to expedite his passengers into theirs. I think we passed four cars and five mopeds going fifty on a blind curve. It reminded me of driving with a friend of mine from Aberdeen (Yeah..you Aaron)
I don't know if any of you speak Thai, but I hadn't heard anyone speak it before coming here. For men, after every sentence (and sometimes between sentences) they use the word 'cup' to show respect for the person they're talking to. For women, its 'kaaaah'. A sample conversation:
Receptionist: "Good morning. Cup."
Me: (smile)
Receptionist: "Cup."
Receptionist: "Would you like your breakfast voucher? Cup."
Me: "Yes please."
Receptionist: "Cup."
So, naturally I've started using the feminine form of this at all possible moments when speaking English to Nathan.
"Hey Nathan, can you hand me the toothpaste? Kaaaaaaaaaaaah."
"Thanks. Kaaaaaaaaaaaaah."
He loves it.
We're heading to Phuket tomorrow. Another tourist haven. We'll be laying low, spending time on the beach, and in Nathan's case, peeling. He has turned a strange shade of magenta from over exposure.
They grope. They steal your wallets. They are prettier than me. They have beautiful skin. Enough said.
Another day in Koh Samui..beach walking, swimming, eating amazing Thai dishes. We've determined all roads are actually one way roads, in both directions. Our driver from the pier to the hotel was either trying to get to his next life or trying to expedite his passengers into theirs. I think we passed four cars and five mopeds going fifty on a blind curve. It reminded me of driving with a friend of mine from Aberdeen (Yeah..you Aaron)
I don't know if any of you speak Thai, but I hadn't heard anyone speak it before coming here. For men, after every sentence (and sometimes between sentences) they use the word 'cup' to show respect for the person they're talking to. For women, its 'kaaaah'. A sample conversation:
Receptionist: "Good morning. Cup."
Me: (smile)
Receptionist: "Cup."
Receptionist: "Would you like your breakfast voucher? Cup."
Me: "Yes please."
Receptionist: "Cup."
So, naturally I've started using the feminine form of this at all possible moments when speaking English to Nathan.
"Hey Nathan, can you hand me the toothpaste? Kaaaaaaaaaaaah."
"Thanks. Kaaaaaaaaaaaaah."
He loves it.
We're heading to Phuket tomorrow. Another tourist haven. We'll be laying low, spending time on the beach, and in Nathan's case, peeling. He has turned a strange shade of magenta from over exposure.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Global Domination
Watch out for the Thai. We have uncovered a form of patriotism so expertly camouflaged, so seemingly innocent, that it is suckering countless travelers from all over the world. Let me lay it out for you:
You arrive in Bangkok on a Sunday morning with a place to stay, but no plans. So..you decide to take a stroll down a chaotic street with a name you sound ridiculous trying to pronounce. (Fact: you are a walking target) A sixty year old woman approaches. She is an English teacher with a smile and a mouthful of compliments. Adorable. She lets you in on a secret. Today is a special government sponsored holiday, 'Buddha Holiday'. Until 2 PM all Tuk Tuks are only 10 Baht, temples aren't charging entrance fees, and the tourism offices are required to give discounted rates. She shows you the only tourism office in the city run by the actual government, flags down a Tuk Tuk and gives him a list of places to take you. Off you go! The driver delivers you as promised to a couple fantastic temples, then to the tourism office where you book a two week adventure. (Fact: there is no government holiday)
You happen to meet others staying in the same hotels you're staying in, for the same nights, with the same story. Secret government holidays and 10 Baht Tuk Tuks. All seduced by the same intricate scheme. (Fact: you have experienced an organized, efficient, nationwide, publicly perpetrated hoodwink.
You've been had.
Its not all bad. We spent hundreds less than a couple of ladies from New Zealand..and compared to prices anywhere else in the world we're sitting pretty, pretty cheap.
I've been trying to convince Nathan to get a Thai massage with me..it costs about 5 dollars for an hour, but he seems to think our first massage experience should be more exciting than a random booth on the side of the road (of which there are hundreds). We're holding out for a special program in Chang Mai...a rehabilitation program for convicts. Women prisoners are taught the skill of massage, and you can get a 'practice session' for a bargain. I'm still a little hesitant..perhaps a bit more concerned about being stabbed or held hostage than he is.
We are currently in Koh Samui, a tourist ridden island off the Eastern coast of Thailand. We have been warned that 'Lady Boys' are plentiful. I've been trying to catch a glimpse of one of these young boys dressed as a woman. No luck so far.
You arrive in Bangkok on a Sunday morning with a place to stay, but no plans. So..you decide to take a stroll down a chaotic street with a name you sound ridiculous trying to pronounce. (Fact: you are a walking target) A sixty year old woman approaches. She is an English teacher with a smile and a mouthful of compliments. Adorable. She lets you in on a secret. Today is a special government sponsored holiday, 'Buddha Holiday'. Until 2 PM all Tuk Tuks are only 10 Baht, temples aren't charging entrance fees, and the tourism offices are required to give discounted rates. She shows you the only tourism office in the city run by the actual government, flags down a Tuk Tuk and gives him a list of places to take you. Off you go! The driver delivers you as promised to a couple fantastic temples, then to the tourism office where you book a two week adventure. (Fact: there is no government holiday)
You happen to meet others staying in the same hotels you're staying in, for the same nights, with the same story. Secret government holidays and 10 Baht Tuk Tuks. All seduced by the same intricate scheme. (Fact: you have experienced an organized, efficient, nationwide, publicly perpetrated hoodwink.
You've been had.
Its not all bad. We spent hundreds less than a couple of ladies from New Zealand..and compared to prices anywhere else in the world we're sitting pretty, pretty cheap.
I've been trying to convince Nathan to get a Thai massage with me..it costs about 5 dollars for an hour, but he seems to think our first massage experience should be more exciting than a random booth on the side of the road (of which there are hundreds). We're holding out for a special program in Chang Mai...a rehabilitation program for convicts. Women prisoners are taught the skill of massage, and you can get a 'practice session' for a bargain. I'm still a little hesitant..perhaps a bit more concerned about being stabbed or held hostage than he is.
We are currently in Koh Samui, a tourist ridden island off the Eastern coast of Thailand. We have been warned that 'Lady Boys' are plentiful. I've been trying to catch a glimpse of one of these young boys dressed as a woman. No luck so far.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Pass the passport
We spent last night at the hotel bar getting to know some of our fellow travelers. Nathan decided that asking a stranger who speaks English if they are American is the equivalent of asking a chubby woman if she's pregnant. It's an insult to non-Americans so most people ask if you're Canadian instead. We were going to rent mopeds for the day to explore the island but apparently you can't do that without passports, and we don't have those. We gave them to a very trustworthy guy named Noppy in Bangkok. He's working on getting us Somme visas while we travel the south. It's probably better we didn't rent though..if a taxi goes out of control and hits your rent-a-moped while it's parked on the street you are responsible for the full cost of the bike and any damages his taxi may have sustained. The logic that the accident never would have happened if you hadn't decided to visit Thailand holds up in court.
We booked a trip to snorkel, kayak and mountain trek in the Anathong marine park tomorrow.
We leave the island of Koh Phangan on Thursday for it's neighbor Koh Samui but may end up taking a ferry back on Thursday night for a world famous party, known for it's music, eclectic crowds and neon body paint. When in Rome...
We booked a trip to snorkel, kayak and mountain trek in the Anathong marine park tomorrow.
We leave the island of Koh Phangan on Thursday for it's neighbor Koh Samui but may end up taking a ferry back on Thursday night for a world famous party, known for it's music, eclectic crowds and neon body paint. When in Rome...